Mere Bagatelle » christmas

Getting Christmas

Simon — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:41:04 +0000

I thought maybe that Tom’s third festive season would be the one where he started “getting” Christmas, but the whole thing seemed to be passing him by. I suppose the whole world is still a bit too novel to him for any particular time of year to stand out.

Last night he went to bed with no visions of sugarplums dancing in his head. In the morning he rushed into our bedroom as usual, without even spotting the stocking presents carefully placed by his bed.

Ok, he loved his brand new toy toolbox, and made the proper appreciative “wow!” noises when the new slide appeared in the garden, but it seemed as far as he was concerned this was just an exceptionally good Sunday morning, not a special morning.

Then, sitting at the dinner table, something seemed to click. He looked at the huge spread, the surrounding extended family all decked in paper hats, took a bite of a bacon-wrapped sausage and exclaimed to us all loudly “merry Christmas”!

The Tweet Before Christmas

Simon — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:49:39 +0000

I wrote and tweeted this, verse by verse, lying in bed on Christmas Eve night. Like all tweets, it’s ephemera, but I kind of worried it would get lost forever, so decided to put it here in a more permanent form. Happy Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the net
Not a tweeter was stirring
(Well, some were, I bet)

The avatars and profiles
Were sprinkled with glitter
And hastags of #Xmas
Were all over Twitter

And ma on her laptop,
And me tapping touch screen
Had just settled down
To check on our tweet streams

I looked down my followers
At the top of the “new” pile
Was someone that made me
Quickly click on “view profile”

His jolly account page
had the “Verified” tick
So I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick!

I checked out his followers
He had quite a few!
And in no time at all
I was following too

And who was he following?
Well perhaps you can guess!
Just eight other tweeters
I can list each address:

@dasher, @dancer,
@prancer, @vixen,
@comet, @cupid,
@donder and @blitzen

The last thing he tweeted
Which I’d like to recite:
“Happy Christmas to all
And to all a good night!”

How to Cook Sprouts

Simon — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 09:22:57 +0000

There’s a lot of debate at this time every year over how long sprouts should be cooked for. Put them on the boil on Guy Fawkes Night? Or steam them for a few seconds just before you serve the turkey?

The wrangling has gone on long enough, I’ve got my own fool-proof solution for sprouts, and I’m willing to share it with you.

How to Cook Sprouts

1. Bring a very large pan of slightly salted water to the boil.

2. Cut the sprouts from the stalk using a very sharp knife, removing the outer layer of leaves. Wash them in cold water.

3. Put the sprouts in a sturdy metal tin (if you’re anything like me, you’ll already have several empty tins of Quality Street available).

4. Drive the tin to your nearest building site.

5. Place the tin at the bottom of a pit and cover it with at least 2 metres of concrete.

6. Return home.

7. If anyone asks where the sprouts are, threaten them with a very large pan of slightly salted boiling water.

I’ve followed this recipe every year and never failed to have a completely delicious Christmas dinner. Bon appetit!