The NCT (not NCP, they’re something quite different) are disputing the claims. This is unsurprising, as most of the extended antenatal classes in this country are run by them.

Jane and I decided early on that we’d not bother with NCT classes and instead take the free NHS route. This entailed a slightly cursory programme of three visits to a community centre to learn about stuff like how plastic babies fit through plastic pelvic bones, and how much change you need for the hospital car park (which isn’t NCP or NCT). I think it was enough information for us.

One of the things they covered was pain relief, and I remember in particular the discussion we had about TENS machines. For the uninitiated (as I was), a TENS machine is a bit like those muscle stimulation gadgets they sell on the shopping channels to get rid of flabby tummies. Placed on the skin, they stimulate the nerves and are supposed to reduce pain during labour.

There’s not much evidence that TENS machines actually work, and the midwife at our antenatal class that covered pain relief more or less admitted that she thought twiddling with the knobs on the machine distracted mums from the pain by “giving them something to do”.

I think that’s probably the main benefit of extended antenatal classes. The nine months of a first pregnancy is an awful long time to fill, and the gaps between decorating and buying baby stuff are mainly filled with worrying about something you don’t really have any control over: the birth. NCT classes and their ilk give parents “something to do”, and maybe give them back a sense of control.

It doesn’t matter so much, then, that what they’re learning is a little common sense midwifery wrapped up in a lot of (literal) puff which won’t actually benefit them on the day. The important thing is that up until that day, they felt more able to deal with it.

But I’m still happy of being to be ignorant of how to breathe. When the day comes, I’ve been taught by existing fathers the two facts that will get me through the worst of the delivery. One: take the blame for everything. Two: if they’re biting down on their hand, don’t offer to replace it with yours.